AND THE WINNER IS... A FAT MARKETING EXCEC!

Brit Awards 2006. I don’t actually know why, every year, I get all exited about the nominations until they are announced, and then get disappointed about how predictable and uninspiring they are. And then I spend days telling whoever wants to listen about how painful the whole thing actually is. On the night, it gets even more painful, obviously. How much back-scratching and mainstream oblivion can you take?

Tonight, expect James Bland to walk away with at least a couple of awards as recognition of how fucking great (allegedly) his album, which has been at the top of the Tesco chart for far too long, is. Expect Robbie to bag his 157th Brit and make a well funny comment about whatever. Expect Katie Melua to get back on one of her nine million bicycles with at least something in her basket. Expect Shayne Ward (who?) to reach his goal tonight… before disappearing back in his hole. I predict the Kaiser Chiefs to top up the “year when every band in the land thought it was 1981 again” by rioting their way to the stage and winning something too. And let’s not forget the forever more insipid Coldplay, Craig David, Lemar or Oasis... Surely, they deserve to be recognised for high crime against art in significant manner.

It would be so nice to see the actual real creative effort of acts such as Antony & The Johnsons, Kate Bush, the Gorillaz or The Magic Numbers to be recognised (they are, after all, all nominated for one thing or another)… I nearly choked on my breakfast the year I heard Aphex Twin had been nominated in the Best Male category!